Thus summer I am doing what I have tried to do for years: stop taking Prozac. I have been on it for like 15 years, just about since it hit the market maybe. I have tried to get off it many times, and maybe this try will take. I have the 'ole anxiety-panic disorder and a whopping case of seasonal affective disorder. Plus I am clinically depressed. Or so they say...Who knows what the hell you are if you are drugged all the time?

My plan has always been to thoroughly detox and see what's really there. I stopped the Vitamin P about 2 months ago and so far, no problem. Except, of course, I am now somewhat dulled-out, snappish, negative, and staying home alone. These things may diminish - and even if they don't, it's ME and not Phony Pleasant Prozac Woman.

My doctor does not know what I am doing. I stopped therapy also. She is still available and I have a supply of Prozac just in case this does not work out. Plus I have about 200 Ativan (.5 mg), which is great for rough spots. If it gets just unbearable I think I can take an ativan and get chilled, then see if the rough stuff goes longer than a day or two. Even un-depressed people have bad days...why is it that I have to live with an asterisk marking me as depressed? It's time for a try at something else, even if it is a bit dull to start.

This is the longest I have gone without it. Each time before I was SUPER depressed by this time and couldn't get far along enough to feel like it was a thorough detox. I am so hoping that I stay at this minor level of dullness - it isn't that bad. It may get better, and I may be able to live a drug-free life after a few more months. I think my system is slow for now due to of a kind of shock. Maybe I will get used to being MYSELF after a few more months, and will come to feel used to whatever that is. Maybe that's not so bad.

Wish me luck, all you fellow Prozac slaves. It's always easy in the summer -- winter is when I have always crashed, and if I get through the coming dark days, I will be fine.