Is everything absolutely unglued this summer? It looks like everything and everybody is just losing control of everything and everybody. I am not even going to go into my list of reasons to feel crappy on a personal level - not when the entire Mideast is at war. Here in the good ole USA Bush looks shaky. Condi Rice is just not doing the job. What a team. What a world. I have no solution - what a pity there is no easy answer. Young people of all nations are just dying, disappearing into the various wars. I am disgusted and scared and sad for all of it.

My previous broken stuff post sounds like I am whining. I am SO not feeling sorry for myself. When I think about all the intelligence, strength and good sense it takes to get one thing after another fixed and keep my little life going, hey, I am kinda bragging that I am okay! Bragging is not quite the right word. Maybe what I mean is that I am happy to be upright and ambulatory. When I count my blessings, one of them is surely that I am able to spring back. What's the alternative? Go plant myself in the soil behind the (ex)barn? So when you read my list of hassles, also read the results. They all turned out ok, and I am ok, too.

This has been a long couple of months...no permanent damage. My car had to go in 5 times (ok now), the microwave zapped a good bolt (just once and ok now), computer hard drive crapped out for good (new used one works fine), and Chauncey My Mean Cat got bitten by a mysterious nighttime animal. He still limps a little and his shaved leg is filling out. And an odd one: the light in the living room downstairs goes on every night after I am asleep. It's all okay with me as long as things can be fixed.

I think 5 people have died this year around me, various levels of love lost. I don't think the dead are doing all this, since I really do not believe in any kind of afterlife. The mechanical universe has been whacked, perhaps I am missing those souls, perhaps their absence is rippling my aura. Maybe stuff just breaks.

My amazement at the broken stuff got me to do a feng shui ceremony around the outside of my house. I have nice Tibetan bells and rock salt and put them on the case. There is now large crystal hanging in the kitchen to deflect funky ch'i as you walk in, and I moved a few items out of the line of the house corners. Things calmed down a bit after that. All that's left is to set up a reiki session to cleanse and balance my own chakras, then circumstances will be light and easy. Sometimes the puzzlement of chaos can be amusing to me, and I have had to chuckle as one thing after another has sent a message. Now, what is the message? Marry a handyman? Go to Tibet?

On a crafty note, I have been making jewelry at a rocket pace. Have
maybe 80 pieces to sell next Sunday, then I guess it's eBay for it. Ouch, eBay is an arduous process. Lotsa picky work for teensy profit with my antique dial-up. All my living acquaintances need to consider focusing on a successful sale on Sunday. May my dead acquaintances remember they are not available to participate at this time and that I do not believe in them.

Shoulder is much better. Huge scar, occasional soreness/pain, some mobility limits, not a speck of strength...but it's coming along and I have the conviction of good health, so it will be fully restored eventually.

The physical therapy is taking effect. I went back to work 3 weeks post-op and right into PT 3 times a week. And I did everything right, I guess. Just about done with PT and almost ok with arm. This last weekend I started a painting project. I am right handed and the surgery was on my left shoulder. I had to use both arms to prep the painting area and push furniture out of the way, and felt only the usual over-50-years-old soreness. (Oh, make that a total body ache!)

I saw the doctor monday and he said, DUH leave the sling on. I had stopped using it, a major no-no. and he gave me some exercises and said if i felt like it i could try driving next week.

i am SO sick of this, as we knew i would be. just the sight of my leisure clothes is abhorrent. i want to get make up on, choose an outfit, get in the car and go to work. NOT. I still can't put on certain garments which all ladies must wear on their uppermost parts and wihout that, I am surely not quite ready for prime time.

the dr also gave me a new pain med which is not so loopy. this is so i can do the exercises which are horrifying, unnatural, and make me sob with agony (sort of). really pathetic...trying reach both hands behind your back and inch your way up to your shoulder blades. Right. Maybe i can learn to ice skate, too. And tai chi while i am at it. if i get good at this i can avoid physical therapy.

the healing process has made a constant out of the occasional hurt my arm used to have. Hmmm. the benefit is that the hurt will diminish wheras before it was getting worse daily. when i saw the photos of what he repaired inside, yikes, no wonder. there was a schism of torn flesh where it was obviously meant to be one piece. then after he stitched it up you can't see that well becasue he closed the gap, so to speak.

i also have fetching pix of the metal burr scraping away at the bone. it was CSI all over again with no blood, as it is all inside, and it actually looks like a group of gooey oysters. I mean, not pretty but understandably ooookkkyy rather than gross.

Crazy me misses work, and i am mentally ready to be there. that two week recovery is a little optimistic. sometime next week i will get used to the new pain meds and maybe i can drive.

I am really feeling at loose ends here. Bro Phil and Sis Chris are wonderful. I can't thank them enough, but they may want some privacy ...although this house is so freakin enormous if you want somebody you have go yodelling from floor to floor.

 I talked to Tim today, Jane's retired marine husband. He had the same surgery and has ordered me to do the exercises. Charming man, former officer but orders from him wouldn't convince a duck to go to the pond. He generously offered to help me get dressed as often as I need him, surely a kinder neighbor couldn't be found.